Sales Fear: Do you need to overcome the fear of rejection? How about having the power to take action regardless of how you feel?

Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.
- John Wayne

I was sitting in a restaurant at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas talking to a new and interesting colleague that I had just met. I listened intently to his heartfelt story of fear, pain, and anguish. I was amazed, inspired, and curious because his words spoke of a deep inner fear of rejection. This fear had taken a severe toll on this man’s mind and life. I had found someone bold enough to say, “I am afraid of what’s out there.” He could not get over his fear and it was killing him inside. This fear was destroying his ability to make a living. As a fellow human being, I naturally wanted to help him, to give him solutions. After all, it is human nature to want to help. I wanted to cure the patient; I felt and saw myself as a reflection of this person. Facing your fear head on is the only way to become the person you were meant to be. This is a journey you must take and, in so doing, it will bring out the real hero in you.

In many ways, I was reminded of the shepherd boy in “The Alchemist.” He cursed every step of his journey, not realizing it was his destiny. Leaning back in my chair, I remembered a quote made by the great coach Vince Lombardi: “Don’t tell me how rocky the sea is, just bring in the ship.” I felt one of my quotes from “Rocky V” about to jump out, but I said to myself, “Okay, chill out, dude, with the Rocky and Tony Robbins stuff.”

I took a deep breath to think about my own sales career, because fear of rejection had killed my sales several times. I thought about times in my life when all my bills were unpaid and every time my phone rang, the caller id flashed: “Unknown Caller,” code word for “Bill collector, pay me, dude!” As I listened to David talk, I thought to myself, “Have we lost our entrepreneurial minds?” We, the so-called chosen few, i.e., entrepreneurs, have we let fear paralyze our dreams in unimaginable ways? I thought about how I lost many sales deals because I either did not approach a particular prospect or failed to call a prospect. Who knows, maybe deep down inside, I did not want to get the answer because I thought getting an answer was another secret attempt at escaping rejection. Think about it — you got the lead, call back to find out the results! Just maybe in my mind, I did not want to follow up because I wanted a euphoric trick in my mind to continue.

In hindsight, I just did not want to face the fear of feeling any rejection. In our sales life, fear is the most paralyzing force. There is nothing wrong with having fears, and I told David, “I’m glad you’re scared, but I am deeply troubled that you have let it paralyze you, my friend.” He leaned back for a few minutes; I had made him think about what he was telling himself. He became tearful, looked over at me, and said, “Geez, what are you getting at?” I replied, “Your being fearful does not bother me. What bothers me is that you’d rather be poor, give up your dreams, and live a life full of regret, rather than fighting.” He asked me what helped me to overcome my fears, and I told him, “I have many fears, too many to list right now.” I thought more intently and said, “Just imagine being 99 years old, at the end of your life, lying sick in bed; just imagine what type of thoughts you’ll have.” Think about it — who cares if some guy hung up the phone on you 40 years prior? Who’s going to care if, financially, you let fear rob you of living a decent life? Who’s going to care if you never danced the tango in Venezuela with the woman of your dreams? Who’s going to care if you never travel the world or buy the house of your dreams? And who cares if some person did not need your services when you called? Your life will tell and your actions will leave clues as to how you have lived, my friend. Choose today to leave clues of having lived a life!

At every segment of our conversation, the overriding factor is that he helped me with therapy because this guy was not really fearful; he just let his ego get in the way. Thinking that just because he made a sales call and someone was not interested, he was rejected. He anchored himself to the outcome by believing he was the problem and that his shirt was ugly; he was too short; he was too whatever. Why? We choose our thoughts and reactions no matter how we spin the wheel of life. When you make a sales call, do you really feel that someone is rejecting you because they wanted a root beer soda when you wanted to give them strawberry? Anchoring ourselves to claims of rejection is futile self esteem mutilation because the person you just spoke to had no interest in a product you just happen to sell. I once heard a guy say, “Rejection is your wife waking up one morning and telling you, ‘You are no longer the love of my life’.” Now that’s rejection. Calling prospects that do not want your product is not rejection; it’s called “Fishing” for the fish that feed and need you. In reality, people that you prospect about buying your products do have a right to say no to you. That is the American way.

Okay, so in listening to David, I started to turn his thinking around a little. I needed to get him not to focus on the 97 percent of the prospects he spoke to daily that might reject him or might not be the right people for his product. David sells real estate. It’s estimated that there are more than 5 million licensed realtors in America today and the number is growing daily. Think about it this way: if you knew that three percent of your clients would bring you big paychecks consistently and knew you could be more profitable, wouldn’t you love the three percent who purchased? David stated he wanted to sell at least three homes a month; in our analysis, it would not matter if 97% of the people he spoke to rejected him. Join the three percent!

Three percent of his results would make David rich, regardless of how much he cried about his lack of success. As we spoke, he told me about his life, and I wondered internally whether it is really true that how we see ourselves is what we are really projecting to the world. I thought about my days of making sales calls. When I am totally locked in, focused on bringing confidence to the table, and I have this now-or-never mentality inside, I succeed. What happens when I do not have that feeling of invincibility inside my soul? I’m at the mercy of the world, pure and simple! In life, we just run with the river instead of swimming to our destinations.

I focus on my small strengths daily. I shared with my colleague the need for “isolating barriers internally.” Isolating barriers internally means to understand where the weakness in your mental fortress lies. For me, if I lack confidence during the first seconds on the phone, I’ve lost control of getting an appointment and, at that point, I won’t be able to close. You have to “isolate” the fundamental breakdown in your mindset daily, even if it means doing weird stuff like putting rubber bands on your hands as reminders. At most you’ll see me with three to four rubber bands on my arm and most days they remind me of the mental strengths I need to use daily to succeed.

“Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, and a vision. They have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill.” Jack Dempsey

David had great tact and skill, and he had a great “want to” in life; he just lacked the ability to overcome fear, and there are no easy answers or solutions. Isolating this issue gave him a starting point by getting him to anchor himself to the fact that, if you throw a good first punch, the punch thrown back will miss by a lot. Throwing a good first punch for me is talking with a clear, comfortable, and confident voice. When a prospect picks up the phone, my voice just springs to action and, mentally, I feel strong, confident, and invincible. We have to give ourselves small means by which to propel ourselves each day mentally, because we are all boxers in life. A boxer is an excellent metaphor to understand how I wanted David to mentally engage cold calls. If you remember an infamous Mike Tyson fight against Evander Holyfield, Tyson was known as the bruiser that could not be beaten. In all the previous Mike Tyson fights, for some reason, when Holyfield and Tyson were standing toe-to-toe in the middle of the ring I never once saw Mike Tyson look away. This time Tyson looked the other way, in complete fear of Holyfield.

David was not locked into trying to defeat his “inner bully.” He did not believe in himself regardless of the fear. Let’s face it, whether you are knocking on someone’s door, making a cold call, or trying to get a sale, rejection hurts! People find ways to overcome fear all the time by using any means necessary. For myself, I had to throw a good punch first by making sure I did not sound scared, nervous, or hesitant because I wanted to feel good by sounding good. If I presented “confidence” while making my first daily call, the prospect did not hear someone faking it. Will it raise your confidence? You bet!

Overall, you have to erase the “drama” in your business life. If you wake up every day thinking about the drama of prospecting for new business, then you start wiping away all your confidence, positive attitude, and outlook. For example, if you start each day by saying, “Oh my God, I gotta prospect for new business. Why couldn’t I have been born rich? Couldn’t Bill Gates just adopt me?”

“Get over it and Go get it” is my belief. When you wake up in the morning, start out by reading “affirmations.” Write your own affirmations each week, or each day; play with your mind a bit to see what moves you, what inspires you. For someone it might be taking your mother on a cruise to Alaska. I had a friend whose dream was to fly her mother first class to Italy and stay in five star accommodations. One of my affirmations is to be able to travel around the world for six months at a time just writing a book. I want to see the world and when I say it, it brings me so much energy! Or book a villa in Costa Rica! Find, connect and reach out to your “Big Why” in life! Whatever your big “Why” is, put it out in front of you every day to motivate yourself. You have to find a way to keep showing your stuff — what better way to show it than by knowing your big “Why”?

Start or join a Mastermind Group with some trusted and new colleagues who inspire you. I am not talking about your best friend Jean who’s looking for the next hot guy. Nor am I talking about your buddy Al, still trying to get an A.A. degree at the local junior college. I am talking about new colleagues that push you, motivate you, and inspire you — ones who are more talented than you. I am talking about people that are doing it big in life and know what their big “Why” is. Network in different areas, join Toastmasters, seek out colleagues of colleagues, and attend industry group meetings.

Give up on the “Is it just happening to me?” drama. Are you the only person getting hit in the face every day prospecting? Nope. C’mon, you and millions of people every second get rejected, from the President of the United States to the guy on the street trying to pick up a hot lady. Join the crowd. To get over it even more, consider prospecting with a co-worker; set up some accountability; and seek out other motivated and inspiring people at your office. No matter what, hear me out loud: “Don’t think you’re the only one that gets the phone hung up in their face daily.” I bet you did it to someone that called you on the phone today because, as salespeople, we are hypocrites! We hate to get hung-up on and we are doing it to others all the time; so get over it now!

“No numbers, no results.” Does it get easier? Yes, it gets easier over time, it gets easier after the first call, and it gets easier after you are hit in the mouth. Think about it this way: every great boxer needs a strong chin to be a heavyweight champion because he will get hit hard. According to Rocky Balboa, “It’s not how hard you can hit, it’s how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” Maybe in life you can apply that to overcoming your fear of sales rejection to realize it is not about the person that rejects you, it is about how much you want your dreams. You’ve gotta take the hits to keep moving forward for your dreams.

“You have to find something you are so passionate about that you can’t wait to get up in the morning to do.” Chris Gardener, Pursuit of Happyness

Just remember, you have to stay connected to your big “Why” in life. You have to stay concentrated on your dreams. Build or start that “Mastermind Group.” Write out your affirmations weekly and daily, and don’t get lost in the shuffle of life. Stay close to the reasons, passions and meanings of why you got into sales and became an entrepreneur in the first place.

Jonathan Fleming is a professional real estate agent, entrepreneur and author. He blogs at www.localhouseblog.com and he writes occasionally about "The Road to the Big Dream" for Entrepreneurs.